Before the 19th century, nearly every civilization--and a few major religions--employed torture as a means to an end. However, in the past 200 years, we have progressed as a species to become more humane. Torture is now entertainment!
http://www.askmen.com/top_10/entertainment/top-10-twisted-torture-techniques.html
The following is a copy of my Craigslist post, listing our Elliptical machine for sale a while back:
She PROMISED me that she would use it, that she would take full advantage of its incredibly smooth, impact-free, elliptical path. So we located a pallet-on-wheels (Costco) and proceeded to adopt the only piece of furniture that would boast adjustable resistance AND incline, at the push of a button.Read more...
We settled the RL 900 Elliptical Exercise Machine into our now-finished basement, with a front row view of my 58" Plasma TV. Now how could she resist the daily use of the Handgrip Pulse Sensor, multi-speed fans, and water bottle holder? Burning fat and boosting endorphin levels would be a perspiratory treat while watching all those Oprah's that keep knocking my sci-fi movies off of the DVR.
Time passed, and the RL 900 found use; as a pretend tree for the kids, an obstruction for large groups of movie watchers, and an exercise machine on rare occasions. I gave up pleading with my wife to exercise on the $500 (now $350!) machine. Men take note: pleading with your wife to exercise MAY come across as, oh I don't know, piggish, even when only thinking of the unused investment.
It turns out that her aversion to the well-maintained RL 900 had nothing to do with the machine, or her already sweet figure, or my sci-fi movies. She doesn't like BASEMENTS! There it is. That's why it has remained in good condition and slightly unloved. So, I tuned up her mountain bike and she rides it often with the kids, outside. Does anyone want a good Elliptical Machine?
Is this a picture of:
a) A serial killer with some strange, insatiable fetish?
b) That programmer that's been with the company for years?
c) A direct marketing and copywriting guru?
The answer is HERE.
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